So that’s it, the summer is over, the children are back at school, the nights will be drawing in and advent calendars will be in the shops before we know it.
Back to normality, the daily grind, back to the old routine. However, for some couples the end of the summer holidays means a whole new routine.
Statistics show there is an increase in couples separating after the summer period.
Alison Gaddes, family law solicitor at Wake Smith Solicitors, offers advice to those recently separated on making child arrangements which work for you and your family
Focus on the needs of your children
It can be very hard when parents separate for the parents to know what to do for the best. It is important to put your children’s needs first. This will of course vary depending on their age and understanding. Where possible consider their wishes and feelings. If the children are older, consider how any change in living arrangements may affect their friendship circle, schooling or out of school activities.
Try to be as practical as possible
If you and the other parent are working, consider the arrangements you had in place while you were together. Could all or part of this routine continue? If you work late, could you approach your employer and see if you can change your hours? Or maybe one night a week to finish work early and start later the following day to enable to you collect and return your children to school. As a parent your employer should try and be flexible if you have changing child care needs.
Be clear about your expectations
The things most couples argue about are when one person thinks one thing and another presumes something else. Be clear when making arrangements what one parent expects of the other. So if you expect the other parent to have fed the child before they return them at 6pm say so, that way both parents are clear which parent has that responsibility. Set out exact times when a parent is collecting or returning a child into the other parent’s care and try not to be late. Set out who is responsible for collection and who return, it is normally expected that the parents should share travel arrangements to make it fair on both parents.
Plan ahead
Try and give the other parent as much warning as possible if the arrangements need to change. If you work shifts this can be especially important. Think about how much notice you should give the other parent. If you need to swop weekends, or if you have a family holiday or special occasion planned. It’s always best to give as much notice as reasonably possible. Try to avoid changing arrangements at short notice, unless in the case of an emergency. Christmas and the children’s birthdays should be discussed as soon as possible after separation so that both parents know when they will be seeing the children over Christmas and their birthdays, so that neither child nor parent are disappointed.
Make early arrangements for the school holidays
The school holiday calendar comes out 12 months in advance of the school year. Therefore start early, you have the dates, make a proposal to the other parent about the weeks you would like to see the children and work from there. There will of course be dates when you both would like the children, you may both have to make compromises, but you have opened up the conversation and hopefully by planning early you will have reached an agreement in good time.
Write it down
Writing down what you have agreed. Although you may have a brilliant memory, we can all forget things. If you set out the agreement in writing it will make it easier to refer back to, if you have any doubts about times, dates and weeks you have agreed to see the children.
