We know how stressful Christmas can be, this is further compounded for those parents who no longer live together. Trying to make arrangements which suit both parents and children can be hard. Over the years we have helped thousands of clients negotiate the complexities of organising the Christmas holidays. So here is our guide to making arrangements a little easier this Christmas, so you can relax and enjoy what should be a happy time of year for everyone;
- The first rule is act now, we know how it is all too easy to put off discussing the arrangements with the other parent. Especially if past experience has led to conflict. However, leaving things to the last minute can cause added stress and disappointment. Discussing arrangements early could mean pre-arranged plans don’t need to be cancelled or changed.
- We can all take things the wrong way sometimes so, think about how you start the conversation with the other parent. Use open questions and keep it light, focus on the needs of the children. Emphasise the need for the children to spend time with both parents. Think about what arrangements were in place when you were together, did one side of the family have a special get together on a certain day in the holidays such as Boxing Day or New Year ’s Day and try and accommodate one another’s wider family arrangements.
- Keep the children informed about what arrangements you and the other parent make. Try not to involve the children in coming to those arrangements, as all too often children would prefer for their parents to spend time with them together at Christmas, which is often unworkable.
- Prepare for the meeting, make a list of the days when you have made commitments. Prioritise how important those commitments are to you, listing those in order of preference. Accept that you will both have to concede some time when it comes to making fair arrangements.
- Think about the logistics of the arrangements, who will collect the children and who will return them and at what times?
- Think about the timing, if you have always had Christmas Lunch at a certain time, could you be flexible with the time? Could pushing the Christmas Lunch on a few hours mean the other parent could spend time on Christmas morning with the children?
- Remember there are no hard and fast rules about child arrangements. Find an agreement that meets your individual family circumstances.
- If you and the other parent are able to spend time together, think about opening presents together with the children on Christmas morning.
- Think about other ways of communication, could the parent who doesn’t have the children on Christmas Day call the children once they have opened their presents. However, try to pick a time when the children will be not too distracted.
- Once arrangements are agreed make a Christmas Timetable. If the children are old enough, let them have a copy so they know when they will be spending time with each parent.
If you need some additional help and advice on how to make those special arrangements for Christmas, then please contact our Family Team on 0114 266 6660 for an initial free appointment or at [email protected] . We are here to help!
